Where do I begin...

   The time has arrived.  I am now officially an NCFCA alumni, having completed my last tournament as competitor.  For months, I have pictured and tried to prepare myself for now, and yet I'm beginning to realize that no amount of thought could have readied me for this.  NCFCA has been my greatest learning experience and my incredibly involved (and rewarding) lifestyle for the last eight years. For the first time since I began competing, I am facing a summer without platform-topic-brainstorming and worthy-Interp-book searching - both of which can be rather stressful experiences, and yet I'm mourning that emptiness.  Although I'm well aware that soon I will be wrapped up in the next chapter of my life, at this point it's hard to picture anything filling this void.
   After giving my senior speech at Regionals, I was on a bittersweet cloud nine, writing the following..."Glittering chandeliers, crowded ballroom, lowered lights, and a building intensity...after six years of taking in farewell speeches made by seasoned competitors, I am now about to give my own. Can the last eight years truly be done justice in one single minute? Could the sea of faces before me ever truly understand what this experience has meant? And will I ever be able to wrap my mind around the fact that it is almost over... Emotions running wild, it is my turn - my time with the microphone, my time to say goodbye. Only a few words said, only a few moments of a thick throat and threatening tears, only a few of the numerous instrumental people in this journey present -- and then it's over. With hands shaking, I leave what seemed such a far-off place so many years ago, the stage reserved for me for just sixty seconds on this night. I am no longer the little timer-turned-competitor sitting patiently at a table waiting to see if a Regional outround will be in my immediate future. I have learned much, grown richly, and been on top of the world. Although pained and close-to-tearful, tonight is a crowning jewel in the tiara of this journey - a heart-breaking, tender, magical night. ~ a richly blessed senior."  Now the glittering glory of that evening has been replaced with a confused sense of loss.
   This afternoon, enjoying post-tournament relaxation, we watched You've Got Mail - a family favorite. For the first time, the closing of Kathleen Kelly's shop and the supposed bleakness of her life ahead seemed my loss as well. And nothing could sum up what I'm feeling right now better than her words, "I feel as though a part of me has died....and no one can ever make it right." I know that God will bring me to a new place, but tonight I simply feel the chasm that my graduation has created between me and the dearest experience I have had the privilege to enjoy.  THANK YOU to all who have been a part of my NCFCA journey - my life would not be the same without you.